Failure Is Not an Option #ChatterPrompts

She was not ready to loosen her grip on my finger. It was about time for me to go. So I knelt down. Sat right in front of her. Now our eyes were at same level. I searched for appropriate words. Before I could say something, her eyes emoted a sea of expressions. It was heart wrenching. There was anguish, pain, desire for love and warmth. Barely 5 years old, her eyes had witnessed what no one expects to happen in life time.

Before I go any further, let me tell you that I was at a shelter home. You can call it foster home or an orphanage for girls. This is one of its kind at Yavatmal. Yavatmal is a district place in the Vidarbha region of Maharashtra. Its an industrially backward area and has been in discussion for not so good reason… suicides by farmers!

Tejaswini Chatrawas at Yavatmal shelters and educates girls that are orphaned by the suicides of their farming parents. It runs on the generous donations by the Samaritans and backed by Rashtriya Swaymsevak Sangh. Every year, I do visit this place along with my children in tow. This particular instance, that I have sited here, dates back to 2007. I was there along with my then 5 years old son to celebrate “Raksha Bandhan”.

While I was watching the ceremony of tying Rakhi from a distance, this little girl came and sat in my lap. I was pleasantly surprised. Motherly instincts in me made me put my hands around her. The moment I did that, she looked up with a broad smile. I smiled back. After the ceremony, she pulled me in a particular direction. I questioned her as to where was she taking me. Being a 5 year old, she could not express her clearly, but I could understand that she wanted me to follow her.

We went upstairs. There she pulled her bag from below a bed. She clutched it in her little fist. Again, she held me by my little finger and we came down where we were seated earlier. I could sense what she was aiming it. It gave me a lump in throat. I decided to spend some more time with the little girl. We played some games. At one-point of time when I made animated gestures after loosing a particular game, she giggled.

The caretaker and other elder girls, who were watching all these, started sobbing. I was taken aback. I could not realise what must have been my mistake. Upon quizzing, the care taker informed me that the little girl had giggled for the first time ever since she was admitted to the Chatrawas, six month ago. She also added that both her parents, the marginal farmers, had committed suicide leaving the child orphan. Her relatives from mother’s side as well as father’s side have expressed their inability to take her in their folds. They could not be blamed because of their sinking financial situation.

My heart cried at the thought of me not being able to take the little girl home. Was she not the same age as that of my son? Was she not entitled to a life of a carefree child at that age? Did she not need the warmth of presence of her parents in her life? Was she not the victim of circumstances for which she was not even far away related to or responsible for? Did her parents not fail in their responsibility towards a life which they have ushered on Earth? Was it not the failure of her parents to think only about themselves and not about the innocent defenseless, vulnerable soul?

At the same time, I reflected that its our failure as well that we cannot see the world beyond our rosy lives and cushioned four walls. We are so engrossed in our own trivial issues that we fail to see the world which is full of struggles. I realised that we as a society also have failed in extending support to all those who are on the brink of giving up. Is it not our failure to provide an atmosphere of assurance to all those who are in dire need of helping hand?

All these thoughts flashed in my mind while I was still looking at the little one. She sensed the uneasiness in my mind somehow. The twinkle in her eyes dimmed and died. She turned around and sat in the corner. With heavy heart and feeling weak at knees, I got up. Seeds of transformation, of change, were getting sown into my mind by then. “Failure is not an option”, said Gene Kranz. Is it not most valid here when the lives are at stake?

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With teary eyes and broken spirit, I returned back. I then promised myself to contribute towards saving the lives. I decided to share a part of my earnings, my time as well as ensured my participation for all such causes that helps in paying back to society. I may not have been able to contribute exemplary services or mammoth amounts, but I am content that what I am doing is to the best of my capabilities. Happy to say that this determination hasn’t changed a bit till date! And I am sure it will grow stronger and stronger with each passing day…

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This post is part of #ChatterPrompts by Blogchatter. Prompt this week was to write on “Failure That Changed My Life”